Binderama60for60

If you follow my advice, I GUARANTEE YOU WILL WIN A LOT OF MONEY!

It might take a while, but eventually it will happen and it will very likely change your life! More than you can imagine right now. And not for the better. You will definitely lose ten times more than you ultimately win. It will make you depressed, lonely, sometimes panicked, broke and worse. But the ride will be full of exciting, fleeting sparks of winning! A lot like life, amirite.

Quick reminder: this is a really bad idea. But here we are at the casino. So, okay, let’s go!

Find a machine you like – they’re all the same. Different payouts, lots of variations, but let’s not get into the weeds just yet. Any machine on this floor will soak you blind eventually. Did you find one? Good. Now just keep walking. Leave the casino.

Did you sit down? You sat down. Get up and leave. Right now.

You’re still sitting there. This is happening. Let’s start with a $20 bill. No biggie, It’s just walking around money, right? Insert it slowly, face side up. It’s in! Now immediately hit CASH OUT, take your money back and leave.

Stlll here huh. All right. Let’s choose a game to play. We’ll keep it simple with single hands of draw poker, no frills or crazy long odds. Play it safe.

Now that you’re committed, let’s start small, maybe bet two. Or three. Oh wow, you hit BET MAX. I can tell you’re into this.

On the deal, if you get a pair of anything, keep them. Jacks and higher, you’re assured of at least breaking even. But lower pairs can still pay off on the re-deal: two pairs, trips, four of a kind. If you have no face cards but four of the cards are the same suit, keep them and go for a flush. Anytime you’re dealt three cards that contribute to a royal flush, keep them. Don’t chase a straight, unless it’s a straight flush or royal flush; it’ll only break your heart.

Once you’ve locked in the cards you want to keep, hit DEAL again.

Did you win? Yay! Immediately hit the CASH OUT button, take the ticket and redeem what’s left.

Did you lose? Sad. Immediately hit the CASH OUT button, take the ticket and redeem what’s left

You’re still there, huh. Yeah, this isn’t gonna be pretty.

Hit BET MAX again. Trust me on that. Unless you’re some old lady who just wants to kill time until the shuttle comes to take you back to the home. If you’re still sitting there, you’re here to win some money. You won’t, but that won’t stop you. Stay positive. I’m positive this a bad idea.

Well that went fast. Busted. Time to go. Just get up and walk away. Nope? Another $20.

Wowza, you got dealt a full house! Nice! Good thing you stayed and doubled your stakes. Even the guy at the next machine seems impressed, probably a little envious. You’re up a few shekels. There’s a rhythm.

Whoops, another $20. just like that? It’s just money amirite!

Oh wow, another $20 bill. Wow, you’re a glutton for this. Okay, I can play that game. So you’re down like a hundred bucks. Go home. But on your way, there are a few ATMs. Keep walking. Just walk right on by. Aw what the hell, let’s go another round. Maybe get a little extra, just so you can have some fun. $500, yeah, someone means business. It’s called chasing, and it’s bad. But it can be such a rush when the chase pays off, you win back your losses and start taking the house’s money!

It’s clear that someone wants to develop a serious gambling addiction, and I am all here for that. Let’s change the game to Double Double; the payoffs are a lot higher though you’ll win fewer hands. Yeah, I know I told you to keep it simple, but you’re your own person. Let’s get those endorphins firing like the engine room of the Titanic barreling toward the iceberg. I can’t even watch!

Know what? Why not up the stakes a little. Let’s play $2. You call always cut back to $1.

Well that $500 went fast. Time to go. The exit is right over there by the. Another trip to the ATM? Well, why not get $1000. It’ll save time. Good for you. I can see you’re the kind of person who can be passionate about something. Nice. You’re my kinda person! You know, in a way, this is a heroic thing you’re doing. Don’t ask me why and don’t overthink it.

Four of a kind! That’s serious money! You’ve almost covered your losses. Should we cash out or — oh, you already hit DEAL. Parlay, as they say. Very French of you.

Free drinks? Really? Sure, line ’em up!

Another four of a kind, with a kicker! Now you’re up for the night; it’d be impossible for you to lose money at this point. What else can we play? How about triple hands, or five. You know, you can actually play a hundred hands at once. Don’t. That’s a sure one-way autobahn to Gamblers Anonymous. You’re not G.A. material, are you. Nope. Not yet.

Uh oh, what time is it? Text your friends and tell them you’re running late. You’re on a roll here, don’t want to screw that up.

BOOM! THERE IT IS! ROYAL FLUSH! WOOHOO! You were right to blow off your friends. They’re going to be jealous. This kind of coin is going to involve a little IRS paperwork, so grab another cocktail and strap in, you winner you!

Have you ever held so much cash in your hands. Admire it, feel the heft, splay out all those crisp $100s and all those grinning Benjamins. Smell it. It’s money. That is a phat wad.

Important: Now is the time to leave. I’m not kidding. Just get up right now and walk straight out of here. Go. This may not be F.U. money, but it’s significant. Buy your friends a few rounds and then take the rest to the bank tomorrow. That’s like two or three months rent. Maybe a down payment on a car.

You know what though, now that the pressure is off, you could peel off a few of those Bennies and just enjoy the game for a little while. I mean, you’ve proven you can beat the house with those killer instincts of yours. Why not? Here’s a trick I learned: take the rest of the stack — the money that you’re going to keep and take to the bank — and put it in your back pocket. You’ll forget it’s there. That way, you won’t be tempted to give it all back. Nice. Good for you.

Yes, grab another cocktail and tip bigly. You’re that kind of person. You’re a winner.

I think this first lesson went really good. Congratulations on your big win. You were right to ignore my advice to leave before you even began. But it’s getting late now. They’re vacuuming and clocking out. Maybe now’s the time to take your winnings and…

…Wait, where’d you go? The high rollers room!? No, you are not a high roller. You’re barely a roller. Get out of there and leave this place. Now!

What do you mean you gave it all back? What about that stack in your back pocket. It was supposed to be safe there! Why are you going to the ATM? Holy shit, you’ve maxed out your debit card. Do not go the the cashier. Do not go to the cashier! It’s tomorrow already, the sun is up. People are waking up, going about their day, your friends had a big breakfast. They’re golfing.

Listen to me. Get out of here! Get out and don’t ever come back.

Nope, I’m done. I warned you about all this. This shit is wicked insidious. It ruins people’s lives, robs them of happiness and security. You’ve got a sickness. You’re sick. Just get out now, with whatever you have left. Even a little bit of self-respect. I can’t watch this. I can’t even look at you. You can’t even look at you. You’re an idiot, a moron, you stupid fuck. Such a fucking loser!

Lesson over. Okay, bye.