Binderama60for60

…sponsored by BMW!

Bowl season continues! Grab yourself a super-size sack of Ruffles Queso and strap in for some big-time football! When you’re craving Ruffles AND Cheetohs at the same time, it’s Queso Time.

Welcome to the 2026 Ruffles Queso Binder Bowl sponsored by BMW!

This looks to be a spectacular match-up, just an incredible game.

Speaking of games, today’s official game sponsor is The New York Times Games page. Gotta have it, every morning.

Hey partner, did you get the Wordle this morning?

I did not. Thank you for asking.

Today’s kickoff is sponsored by Vans checkered slip-ons. Vans, it’s so retro it’s cool that kids don’t know it’s retro. But it’s retro.

Whoa there, hold up, partner. Looks like we have a new shoe sponsor. Oofos is actually sponsoring the kicker’s left shoe, his kicking foot. Oofos. It’s a funny sounding name but Oofos sure keeps the insole cushioned and that arch well-supported. For when you outgrow Vans. Oofos.

We’ve been doing a lot of walking this week on these old dogs of ours.

Tell me about it. All those team meetings, interviews, rehearsals. Of course, all sponsored and catered by Steak’n’Shake. Steak’n’Shake, the official fast casual dining sponsor of the Binder Bowl.

I like mine five ways.

Chili, that is.

Okay, first play from scrimmage. Looks like they’re lined up in the Diet Coke pull-tab formation, sponsored by Diet Coke. And the Aluminum Council of North America.

Did you know they call it “aluminium” in England? Man.

Oh boy, a loss of about five yards. Which reminds me, “Another Whole NINE Yards” hits theaters this summer. Sponsored by Pixar Animation Studios.

See Bruce Willis like you’ve never seen him before. Thanks to the wizards at Pixar animation, he’s more lifelike than ever. Coming this summer. From Pixar. Pixar. It’s fun to say. Pixar.

Big Bruce Willis fan here. To think his whole career started with “Moonlighting,” which is streaming on Disney Plus, the parent company of our network. Sponsored by Disney Plus.

Breaking: I’m hearing that our network was just sold to NBC Universal during the last commercial break. That last commercial break, by the way, was sponsored by the Binder & Binder Law Firm.

I’m also told that we are mispronouncing Binder. It rhymes with finder. As in, the Ruffles Queso Binder Bowl.

Sponsored by BMW.

Getting word now that our jobs are safe with the new owners at NBC Universal. At least for the next three hours. That’s the word from our new friends at NBC Universal. Sponsored by NBC Universal. They are a really great company.

So, so great. NBC Universal.

Okay, 3th and 15. They’re leaving the red-shirt freshman out there as QB. Red shirt got me thinking about Doug’s favorite go-to to wash down those Ruffles Queso!

You’re talking about Red Bull—

Actually no. I was thinking of Josh’s Red Blend. When you want a cheap and decent wine, it’s Josh. The official bulk-wine sponsor of the Binder Bowl. Rhymes with grinder.

Speaking of drinking, fun fact: the first time Doug ever got sick from drinking was from Bacardi Rum! Not many people know that. This fact sponsored by Bacardi Rum.

Boy, Bacardi has so many flavors, which one was it?

There was only one flavor back then, and he hasn’t touched rum since. But if he did, I bet he’d reach for the Bacardi’s Neon flavored rum, sponsored by everyone’s favorite destination, Las Vegas!

Bacardi Neon and Las Vegas. Can it get any brighter!

Of course, these days, Doug’s a Jim Beam drinker. When you want cheap and decent and liquor, reach for Jim Beam. Sponsored by Jim Beam.

Ouch, #57 really took a hit on that one. Still down.

That reminds me, is Heinz 57 a sponsor? Checking my script here, but I don’t see anything.

I don’t know, partner, but it looks #57’s got Heinz 57 bleeding out of his nose. Very on-brand. [pause] I’m so sorry, that was not appropriate in any way. My apologies to Heinz 57.

Hey, partner, I think you BOTH are gonna need some Advil. Two caplets should do the trick. Maybe three. Sponsored by Proctor & Gamble.

While they tend to the injury, let’s give a shout out to Great Clips, our exclusive NFT sponsor, for sponsoring this pixel right here. Yep, that one, somewhere in the middle of a freckle on my scalp. Thank you, Great Clips.

Fun fact: there are 33.2 million pixels on this 8K broadcast, and each one sponsored. If you want to see a complete list of our pixel sponsors, like Hansen Foods in Hart, Michigan or the Buc-ees outside Springfield, Missouri, check out our website, sponsored by GoDaddy.com.

That’s a lot of sponsors. No wonder the ad sales guys looked so burnt at dinner last night.

Sponsored and catered, of course, by Steak’n’Shake.

I’ll take mine five ways!

Chili, that is.

#57 just checked into the blue tent. Check-in sponsored by Residence Inn. The tent, of course, courtesy of Urgent Care. When it’s urgent, wait your turn. Urgent Care.

Chances are he’s getting a monster load of Toradol in there, sponsored by Eli Lilly and United Healthcare.

I’ve had that Toradol, and I gotta tell you, it’s fantastic! Really does the trick. Feels like living in Disneyland, like, all at once!

Disneyland, the official theme park sponsor of the Binder Bowl.

Here comes a punt from deep in their own territory, sponsored by Lou Malnati’s. When it comes to pizza, go deep, and it doesn’t get much deeper that Lou Malnati’s, the official deep dish pizza sponsor of the Binder Bowl.

And if you’re craving a thin crust, check out Imo’s Pizza in Saint Louis. Imo’s is the official thin-crust pizza sponsor of the Binder Bowl. I can almost taste that Provel cheese. Yummy.

Hey partner, why can’t I just Door Dash from the nearest pizza place? You know Door Dash, the official food delivery service of the Binder Bowl.

Why would you, when there’s Goldbelly? You can get anything through Goldbelly, pizzas included. Fast. But not soon.

Goldbelly, the official long-distance mail-order food delivery service sponsor of the Binder Bowl.

Partner, have you noticed the special jerseys out there today on both sides of the Binder Bowl. Of course, all apparel for the Binder Bowl is sponsored by Chess King—

Gotta stop you again, partner, sorry. Our new clothing sponsor is Robert Graham.

Hold up, partner, the producer is telling me, Doug feels priced out and really has no reason to get dressed up anymore. Let’s give it up for the Binder Bowl’s newest apparel sponsor Amazon Basics. When you want cheap and decent, just give in and order Amazon Basics. The official sponsor of the Binder Bowl.

[Disruption]

Are we back? Sorry, folks, we just had a little trouble with our feed. We hope you didn’t miss anything.

That glitch was sponsored by Cox Communications. When you want cheap and decent, you really have no choice.

Ouch. Does it really say that?

Anyway, that was an epic punt, he really got a piece of that one. Great hang time, it’s like the ball was in slow motion passing in front of that Arby’s billboard.

I’m seeing the KFC sign in my monitor. Let’s roll that back. And once more.

Speaking of more, that punt was actually sponsored by Hardee’s. Have you tried their steak, egg and cheese biscuit? 2200 calories, 106 grams of fat. A week’s worth of sodium. I swear, there is no better way to start the morning.

Or end the night.

[Laughter]

Oh my, a little kerfuffle in the stands. Looks like someone is lighting up, trying to sneak a smoke.

Marlboro Reds! Oh, wait, Marlboro Lights. For when you want to smell bad and feel like hell but be a little less unhealthier, reach for a Marlboro Light.

I thought we gave them up as sponsors.

We did, but mmm. Good memories.

You know what goes good with a smoke? Chocolates. Especially Ethel M’s, available only in Las Vegas.

And now Glendale! Sponsored by Ethel M’s.

You know what goes good with chocolate? Apples. Sponsored by the North American Apple Council. For delicious recipes, check out apple.com.

I think you mean apples.com.

You are correct! I misspoke. And that was sponsored by Apple. I love all their products, I really do.

And we are at the two-minute warning.

Warning! Hey partner, someone is definitely outside your house right now!

Really??!!! My kids are in there.

But with Blink home monitoring, you’re safe.

You got me, partner. This two-minute warning is sponsored by Blink, an Amazon Company.

No seriously, there is someone outside your house right now. Blink!

Kids! Don’t go anywhere near the windows, sponsored by Andersen Windows and Doors.

That’s right, don’t go anywhere. But if you did, hop behind the wheel of the new BMW X5. Sponsored by BMW.

[Laughter]

[Sound of a gun shot]

Well there you have it, the referee’s signal to end the game.

Sponsored of course by Smith & Wesson and the NRA. And what a game it’s been.

Wait, didn’t we stop doing the gun thing like 30 years ago?

Yeah, I —

[broadcast feed ends]