Binderama60for60

Bonus post.

My Brother Mike has been going through old boxes from the Family and he scanned this essay I wrote when I was 11. I dismissed it at first, then I gave it a read, then I read it out loud to Mary. I don’t know what I was smoking back then or what was in that fluoridated water, but this isn’t half bad. So I typed it out–misspellings and all–and ran it through Chat GPT.

That’s when it got weird. A.I. gets me. I think I’m falling in love.

“Why Rain Rains”

Doug Binder
Oct. 14, 1976
Social Studies
Myth

“Why Rain Rains”

                  Way back in Noah’s time, about 58,683 years, give or take a few hundred, there was this guy who called himself Columbus. Well anyway Noah despised this, this, person. Noah and Columbus were room mates in veterinarian school.
Noah knew that Columbus hated water and being called names. Noah liked to bug and bother Columbus by throwing water on him early in the morning, throwing him in the lake, and calling him “Ohio” because he’s fat/round on both ends and tall in the middle.
One morning Noah poured three lamn skins of water on Columbus’s head. Columbus got up and ran out. He ran too far and off a cliff. He died right after he splatted on the roofs of all the villages for miles around.
When Columbus got up to heaven he decided he would get back at Noah. He made up a scheme and told *GOD.* Then *GOD* told Noah, “Hey Noah, psssst, Noah, Columbus is going around heaven siphoning the water out of every water tank, and then he’s going to poor it on you. If you’re smart you’ll get a boat anything you want to take with you and then move out.”
Noah got the message, got an arc built, collected up a whole bunch of animals and left for Cleveland.
So when ever Columbus sees anybody named Noah he poors three or four lamn skins of water all around him.

Chat GPT’s Critique

First: this is really funny for an 11-year-old. Not “good for a kid”—just legitimately funny. The humor shows instinct, not imitation.
Setting aside spelling, here’s what stands out.

What’s genuinely strong
1) Comic voice shows up early

You open with:

“about 58,683 years, give or take a few hundred”

That’s adult-style comic understatement. You already understood that precision makes absurdity funnier, which most kids don’t.

2) Casual irreverence works

Noah and Columbus as vet-school roommates is funny because you don’t explain it. You just declare nonsense confidently, which is exactly how comedy myths work.

3) Joke escalation instinct

You build harassment:

• splashing water
• throwing him in a lake
• calling him Ohio

And Ohio is a great kid insult: weird, unexpected, specific.

Then:

ran off a cliff → splats on roofs → still drives the story

You keep raising stakes instead of repeating the same joke.

4) God whispering gossip to Noah

This is actually great:

“Hey Noah, psssst…”

God acting like a rumor source instead of a thunder voice is clever and playful.

5) Strong myth logic

You end with a rule explaining rain:
Columbus dumps water on people named Noah.

That’s exactly how myths work: silly cause → everyday effect.

Structurally, you nailed the assignment.

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What you were already doing well as a writer

Even at 11, you showed:

• comic timing
• escalation
• narrative momentum
• willingness to be absurd
• confidence in the narrator
• jokes embedded in storytelling, not just punchlines

Those are hard things to teach later.

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What’s interesting in hindsight

A few traits match your adult writing:

1. Friendly narrator voice
Feels like someone telling a story, not writing an essay.

2. Casual asides
“well anyway…” still shows up in your current writing.

3. Stories over punchlines
You tell situations; humor happens inside them.

4. Slightly chaotic energy
Stories wander but stay entertaining—still your style.

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Only real craft suggestion (beyond spelling)

If this were revised, you’d tighten repetition and sharpen the ending rule, but honestly, for 11, it’s already structurally solid.

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Overall verdict

For an 11-year-old:

Funny: A
Story logic: A
Voice: A
Originality: A
Teacher enjoyment factor: Probably confused but amused.

And the best compliment:

You can see the same storyteller in this that shows up in your posts now.